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1 year later back to normalish 😃

Aloha,

I’m beyond stoked!  It’s been a rough journey not going to lie but I am finally back down to my weight I was before I quit adderall 👌🏻.  I don’t even think about it anymore.  It took a long time for me to feel back to my pre adderall self but I’m so happy about my life right now and the way it is going.  Being hyperactive isn’t a problem that needs fixing.  It’s just a personality trait not a disorder.  It’s beautiful to be yourself without being medicated.  Falsely medicated.  Never let a drug interfere with your goals!  I finally soloed an airplane by myself and it got me more high then anything in my life ❤️. When you have a passion for something give it 100%. 

XOXO,

Your friendly ex adderall abuser ✈️✈️✈️✈️😈✈️✈️✈️✌🏻️ 
(Life is more important than any medication, or prescription… Do what you love!)

Still lost..

Been off my script for over half a year now, and I still feel like crap.  So lost still.  It’s like being on the drug for so long just left me completely unbalanced.  I am depressed most of the time, I can’t focus in school at all, and I have a hard time feeling motivated.  I gained like twenty pounds (still in the slow process of losing weight). I just hate who I am now.  I miss the old me.  I hate this person I don’t even know who I am anymore.  I have tried so many things to help like over the counter vitamins meant to support your mood, and I’ve tried adderall substitutes and nothing works.  I hate being me now.  I never thought it would end up like this.  You would think things would get better the more time that goes by but apparently it doesn’t.  For any other fellow adderal quitters…. I feel for you and I hope you’re having a better experience then me.

Xo

-Your Friendly Anonymous NON Adderall Abuser 💋

Day 99 VICTORY

  
Hi everyone,

In a couple hours I will be 100 days off my adderall perscription.  The hard days are now far behind me and I really am starting to feel like my old self.  A friend I haven’t seen in about three years came down to visit and she was shocked by the dramatic change in me and my personality.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and when I look back on my adderall days, I was so angry.  Barely sleeping, hated everything. I have always been a person with an angry, and depressive side but the adderall I truly believe put me on another level. 

Yes.   I still get tired during the day

Yes.  I am definitely taking a little below the max safe allowed amount of caffeine for a human to intake a day (but not as much since school is over and I am on winter break)

Yes.  I am still not 100% mentally stable but I feel better than I have felt in six years.

I am still having trouble focusing and studying, and keeping up with work.  It’s also difficult during sick season, and I am still working really hard to get back down to my normal weight.  It’s all just a process and I know it will take a while but atleast I’m doing it.

With my celebration of basically 100 days off adderall I decided to also release (to anyone that does read my blog in the first place) my true reasons of quitting my perscription. 

I want to be a pilot.   I want to fly airplanes and I want to fly for a regional carrier someday and hell the day I read on the FAA website that adderall is not a perscription allowed for a holder of a pilots license I had to make a decision.  I am not going to lie, I almost chose no.  But how God damn pathetic would it be to let a perscription drug you pretty much put yourself on for personal benefits in school and college stand in the way of your dreams.

I chose I want to be a pilot.

  
Never let any person, place, or thing stand in your way of your dreams.  Especially not a perscription drug.

  
 
Xoxo

– Your Friendly Anonymous Adderall Abuser ❤️

Day 70… Blue blue blue & blue 

  
Do you ever feel like the weight of the world is riding on your shoulders?

Or fear everything is going to drastically change at the drop of the hat because of something that is going to be happening in the near future?  

I sure do.  I feel everything. Feelings, feelings, and more feelings.  I currently HATE feelings.

I already get weird during the holiday season and the past couple of days have just made everything worse.  My boss made me feel a little better at work tonight about the hitting a dog situation..

He screamed:

“SOMETIMES SHIT HAPPENS!!!”

Really loud while we still had customers in the restaurant and for some reason I found it extremely funny and made me think a little on the bright side…. (A very little). 

Shit does happen.

That is the way I should think about the present and be thinking about my future.  There is no point in wasting time overthinking the “what if”s, and thinking the worst is always going to happen.

This is something I’ll have to work on my myself, and something I have always struggled with.

I hate constantly being afraid of my life and what lies ahead. 😞

Sadly once again there’s nothing I can do accept hope for the best.

-Your Friendly Anonymous Adderall Abuser 💋

  

Day 69… And I accidentally just ran over someone’s dog

  
Hey everyone, 

So sadly the heading is true.  I got cut early from work and was driving in the back roads (sober mind you) and it was super dark and I ran over someones dog. 

Another car behind me ran over it after me, and I alone turned around and went back to help.  It was just in the middle of the street twitching in a pool of blood, and I had my window down screaming out “Is this anyone’s dog?!” On the street. 

Some neighbors came home and at first freaked out thinking it was their dog I had run over.  After realizing it was not, they kindly told me it was okay.  That isn’t wasn’t my fault and to just leave.  They would take care of it, and call the humane society for me.

They said it was the neighbors fault for letting their dog run around in the damn street but obviously I still feel like complete shit and horrible.

After everything going on lately, I can’t believe this just happened to me.  I love dogs.  The fact I just murdered one on complete accident just kills me inside.  The second car didn’t stop and turn around only I did.  All I can see is the poor dog twitching in a pool of its own blood. 

I feel like complete SHIT.

This was the worst thing that could possibly happen given my current emotional and mental state.

I hate my life.

-Your Friendly Anonymous Adderall Abuser 💋

  

Day 68 & Happy (not so happy) Thanksgiving to everyone ❤️

  
Hey guys,

Happy thanksgiving!  The day to be thankful, and grateful for all the beautiful things we have in life.  Today, the only thing I can say I am thankful for is being off my adderall perscription, and making it this far.

Besides that,

Today my emotional state has been about the same.  No changes; still depressive.  I feel like a bipolar person without the intense up and downs.  When I am happy, it still feels staged.  When I am sad it feels real.  I wish I could say there must be some other cause but I don’t think that’s the case. 

I have a great life, and am surrounded by amazing people that truly support me.  I have a slightly overwhelming workload, but it wouldn’t be the cause of all of these emotions I’ve been feeling as of late.  I really want to see my doctor just to make sure I’m on a good page… But still no health insurance, and I don’t want in any way shape or form to be pointed in the direction of antidepressants.

School wise, I’m very happy the semester is coming to an end.  I just ordered my free fourteen day trial of optimind, a pretty popular nootropic drug on the market right now and I spoke to someone on the phone about the product before I ordered it.  They say it’s good to help brain memory in the long run, and lately I’ve been feeling like my biggest struggle is memory, and motivation (besides the depression).  

Well I wish everyone a happy thanksgiving and hope that yours goes much better than mine 😉

– Your Friendly Anonymous Adderall Abuser 💋

  

Day 65…. No progress 

  
Hey guys,

So it’s day 65 today off adderall.  I’m not going to lie these past couple days I’ve just been feeling super down, and depressed.  Nothing in my life has changed, nor anything with my vitamins, and supplements.  I don’t know what the problem is but I am really hoping this isn’t from adderall withdrawl.  How long is this really going to be?  

It scares me.

I don’t want to feel this way forever… And I definitely don’t want to get put on antidepressants. I guess it is too soon to say anything since I haven’t even made it to 90 days yet.  

I just really hope I start feeling better.

– Your Friendly Anonymous Adderall Abuser 💋