Not doing so hot…

hey guys…

First…!  Don’t judge me. 

Second:

  

So,

If it isn’t painfully obvious, I’m having a horrible f-cking time right now!!!

I don’t know if I just need to give it more time, (I obviously do), or if the drop to 15 mg from 30 was too much too soon…

I have had a rough week.  I have not been sleeping well, and I have been fighting with my boyfriend/pmsing at the same time.  Some of the fights I have started with him are absolutely ridiculous and when I realize what is going on, I think about how stupid it is and wonder why I even started the argument in the first place.  I have no idea how he is putting up with me while I am going through this.

The PMS and 15mg drop combo was definitely a stupid idea on my part.  I have been on my period for the past three days and I feel even more exhausted, and teamed with the getting little sleep (I have been working almost every night of the week serving… 4:30-close and getting up for school at 8 am or earlier like this morning.  My exhaustion is what I believe to be the ultimate reason behind my little um “relapse” aka “last hoorah” you can see in the image above.  

This is making me half want to quit cold-turkey or increase the dose I tapered down on.  Maybe it was too much to soon again, or maybe I just need to not be a little baby and suck up being exhausted and not being able to work for a couple days.  Problem is… I CAN’T DO THAT!

I CANT TAKE OFF WORK

I CANT MISS SCHOOL

I CANT PAY RENT IF I TAKE OFF WORK

ADVICE PLEASSE!

I am stating to feel like maybe I do need to be off of work for a good week and just deal with the withdrawls.  I mainly desperately need my adderall at work and the caffeine helps with the withdrawls when I am not working.  My boyfriend made a suggestion that maybe on my next day off trying to not drink any caffeine at all, nothing, and just seeing how I feel.  You have to face your fears eventually right?

However,

What happened today:

Feeling like you’re in a blind daze before you drink a monster or coffee first thing in the morning is one thing, but today I almost didn’t have any solution to being half asleep on my way to school and running out of time for coffee… So I took my perscription.  I definitely noticed how much I balanced out when i tapered to 30 mg.  I hope I can beat these withdrawls and continue the drop to 15.  If not I am thinking of taking half an XR and half of an ir daily.  That would mean a 30 mg drop to 22.5… Which may be safer, and less painful than a full 15 mg drop at once.  The less your dose gets the worst the cravings?  

I am stuck somewhere in between being in love with my life, the people in it, my job, both of my schools…

…And hating life, depressed as FFF!!, disliking people, feeling like I am going insane, crazy thoughts, not wanting to leave my room….

Adderall withdrawl.  The biggest b!tch I have ever met!!!

With love,

-Your Friendly Anonymous Adderall Abuser 💋

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